Jess To Kill

Fashion. Food. Funny. Alliteration.
I brought 18 of these into the office this morning. At noon, there are still 12. 
Much like the discovery of ambergris, this treasure goes unappreciated. Only instead of whale bile, it’s fried fat and sugar.

I brought 18 of these into the office this morning. At noon, there are still 12.
Much like the discovery of ambergris, this treasure goes unappreciated. Only instead of whale bile, it’s fried fat and sugar.

Avocado tapioca milkshake. Obesity has never been so exotic or delicious. (at Buckeye Pho Asian Kitchen)

Avocado tapioca milkshake. Obesity has never been so exotic or delicious. (at Buckeye Pho Asian Kitchen)

"If you’re going to complicate your life, do it for the right reasons." - Lady Mary Crawley

I know it doesn’t seem very poetic, but these words have become my hourly mantra.

"If you’re going to complicate your life, do it for the right reasons." - Lady Mary Crawley

I know it doesn’t seem very poetic, but these words have become my hourly mantra.

Downton Abbey; the show that always leaves me lamenting the fact that I don’t own more hats.

Downton Abbey; the show that always leaves me lamenting the fact that I don’t own more hats.

                                          Pinky on the Brain

Prologue: At age 22, I once witnessed a co-worker who’d recently turned 30 devolve into what could only be described as a secondary adolescence. At age 29, she would once guilt our colleagues for smoking and speak of promiscuity with disdain. Within a week of becoming a tricenarian, she took up Newport Lights and was regaling us weekly with tales of her latest male conquests. I promise this is going somewhere.
At the time, I was a bit horrified. I’d convinced myself that at 22, I’d thrown off the shackles of stupidity and reckless behavior. I wondered if I too would go through a similar rebellion after all the maturing I thought I’d just done. I dismissed it as some unseen, serious issue on her part and carried on.

In the time since, I pierced my nose at age 27 and chopped off and dyed my hair numerous colors at age 31. I’ve entertained the idea of getting a tattoo (or 2) and also wondered if I could pull off shaving my head underneath.

While it’s not smoking and sleeping around, I kind of get it. You finally have the money and freedom to do all the the things you really wanted to do at age 15. The bitter irony of this is that job that gives you all the funding you need to pierce your face or tattoo your wrist generally will frown upon said decision. Temporary solutions to the rescue!
Last fall I discovered Alterna One Night Highlights. Not only were they featured in normal colors (e.g. red, blonde, caramel) but to support breast cancer awareness, they had them in pink. After some vigorous shaking and the attachment of the brush applicator, you press a button and pink, delicious smelling mousse appears within the bristles. Ideally you’re supposed to brush it through your hair to create natural looking highlights, but…I mean…it’s pink. So generally I end up just grabbing the globs of mousse out of the bristles and applying it to my hair wherever I see fit. I have the most fun applying it in a sort of ombre style to the tips of my hair since if i try to apply it on just a select few strips of hair, I can never get it right (one strip is too big, the other is too small, the other is too bright at the roots, too pale at the tips, etc).
Pros: It lasts just one day which is more than enough time to fulfill the need to have some funky colored hair without appalling the boss. (Side note: I wore this to work actually because it was around Halloween and also because eff it. My boss said she LOVED it.) It comes completely out after one wash.
Cons: It can be kind of a mess. You put in the mousse and then let it sit until completely dry (the bottle says 3 - 5 minutes but sometimes this can take upwards of 10 minutes). After it’s dry, you brush out the excess. The pink flakes left literally EVERYWHERE for months are less than desirable to find in your sink/bathroom floor/every time you blow your nose. Additionally, the brush applicator is seemingly the only way to extract the mousse, and it’s been complicated at best to use. The button sticks a lot and the mousse often seems to gum up inside the applicator before coming out.
The verdict? Worth the $30 price tag, as long as you can get the applicator brush (or some other applicator you jerry-rig) to work, AND you ensure everything within a 50 yard radius is covered in towels when applying. I guess the rebel in me still cares about keeping things clean.

                                          Pinky on the Brain

Prologue: At age 22, I once witnessed a co-worker who’d recently turned 30 devolve into what could only be described as a secondary adolescence. At age 29, she would once guilt our colleagues for smoking and speak of promiscuity with disdain. Within a week of becoming a tricenarian, she took up Newport Lights and was regaling us weekly with tales of her latest male conquests. I promise this is going somewhere.

At the time, I was a bit horrified. I’d convinced myself that at 22, I’d thrown off the shackles of stupidity and reckless behavior. I wondered if I too would go through a similar rebellion after all the maturing I thought I’d just done. I dismissed it as some unseen, serious issue on her part and carried on.

In the time since, I pierced my nose at age 27 and chopped off and dyed my hair numerous colors at age 31. I’ve entertained the idea of getting a tattoo (or 2) and also wondered if I could pull off shaving my head underneath.

While it’s not smoking and sleeping around, I kind of get it. You finally have the money and freedom to do all the the things you really wanted to do at age 15. The bitter irony of this is that job that gives you all the funding you need to pierce your face or tattoo your wrist generally will frown upon said decision. Temporary solutions to the rescue!

Last fall I discovered Alterna One Night Highlights. Not only were they featured in normal colors (e.g. red, blonde, caramel) but to support breast cancer awareness, they had them in pink. After some vigorous shaking and the attachment of the brush applicator, you press a button and pink, delicious smelling mousse appears within the bristles. Ideally you’re supposed to brush it through your hair to create natural looking highlights, but…I mean…it’s pink. So generally I end up just grabbing the globs of mousse out of the bristles and applying it to my hair wherever I see fit. I have the most fun applying it in a sort of ombre style to the tips of my hair since if i try to apply it on just a select few strips of hair, I can never get it right (one strip is too big, the other is too small, the other is too bright at the roots, too pale at the tips, etc).

Pros: It lasts just one day which is more than enough time to fulfill the need to have some funky colored hair without appalling the boss. (Side note: I wore this to work actually because it was around Halloween and also because eff it. My boss said she LOVED it.) It comes completely out after one wash.

Cons: It can be kind of a mess. You put in the mousse and then let it sit until completely dry (the bottle says 3 - 5 minutes but sometimes this can take upwards of 10 minutes). After it’s dry, you brush out the excess. The pink flakes left literally EVERYWHERE for months are less than desirable to find in your sink/bathroom floor/every time you blow your nose. Additionally, the brush applicator is seemingly the only way to extract the mousse, and it’s been complicated at best to use. The button sticks a lot and the mousse often seems to gum up inside the applicator before coming out.

The verdict? Worth the $30 price tag, as long as you can get the applicator brush (or some other applicator you jerry-rig) to work, AND you ensure everything within a 50 yard radius is covered in towels when applying. I guess the rebel in me still cares about keeping things clean.